Dark Days, Yes Indeed

 

So, I can honestly say I'm not at all sorry to bid 2011 farewell. 

This year has not been kind to myself and my family - at all.

January found myself and three of my children diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Hypermobility Type, a genetic deformity in collagen formation.  While this diagnosis explains so much, my years of pain and fatigue, my son's gastrointestinal issues and upper back pain, pain and fatigue my daughters suffer, foot and ankle issues we all have, etc., it takes a bit of getting used to "having" a genetic disease.

In 2011 we saw a geneticist, podiatrist, orthopedist, physical therapist and neurologist.  On tap for 2012 are rheumatology appointments, more physical therapy, massage therapy, etc.

I am tired of doctors, tired of hurting, tired of being tired, and worried about my children.

As if this wasn't enough, my family has a long-term history of anxiety disorders and depression.  Apparently determined not to be left out, these decided to rear their ugly heads again this year with a vengeance.  There is nothing quite so terrible as watching one's child being swallowed by the black hole of major depression, except perhaps watching another child fighting extreme and unrepentant anxiety.  Wait, wait - maybe it's watching another child succumb to both at the same time!

Helpless?

Oh yeah.

I feel helpless.

Overwhelmed?

You bet.

Psychiatrists, therapists, hypnosis, medication, more medication, different medication, trips to specialists... and still they suffer.

In the midst of all this, life goes on.

My own depressive tendencies have fortunately stayed in hiding, leaving a nice big vacancy for anxiety to move in.  

But I'm doing okay.  

Not paralyzed, just tired.

Really, really tired.

So I've decided I need to keep outside responsibilities to a minimum, which includes the Dark Days Eat Local Challenge.  What should just be fun has instead become a chore - and an anxiety-producing chore at that.

We will still eat mostly local a good share of the time - gosh, it really is so easy to do once you find your sources.  But I'm no longer officially participating in the challenge.  Instead, I'll occasionally post photos of our wintertime local meals, such as the one you see here.

We had taco salads and everything - including the chips (!) - was local, except for the beans.  

I tend to find solace in cooking, and since we're also trying to stick to a pretty strict budget, it's fortunate that I do.

So, here's to 2012

It's got to better than 2011.

Doesn't it?