#100HAPPYDAYS - Day 3

Today I volunteered at the local library.
There's not a lot to the "job" - basically I supervise a special homework room from 3-5 p.m. once a week. It's a nifty room with laptop computers, a color printer, and other school supplies that some kids, especially in my oft-neglected urban neighborhood, might not have at home.

I log onto the computers, sometimes do some other simple work (stamping "withdrawn" in a cart full of books, for example), make sure kids stay quiet and on task.
Oh, and I'm also supposed to answer the occasional question.
Well, try to answer questions.

Today's inquiry involved geometry, never my strong suit and especially not 30-plus years after I took the New York State Regents exam and nearly passed out.

I can't remember my geometry teacher's name, though I think it was Miss or Mrs. Gaines, maybe? That year my schedule was such that I couldn't take the honors level math most of my peers were taking - 3D geometry, I believe. And that was probably a good thing.

The last math I truly understood was algebra, though I continued on through intermediate algebra and trigonometry, always getting A's, but not having a clue.
Do you know how scary it is to plow into mathematics, getting A's, but not understanding the why's and wherefore's of the subject? I felt as if I were continually on a precipice and the slightest whisper of a wind would knock me down.
Cause me to fail.
In geometry I discovered I was good at recognizing which formula to use in which situation to end up with the correct answer. But it always felt like I was just making up my own theorems - how could they be right when I truly didn't get the underlying rationale?
Of course, I never said anything to anyone. My high school was crazily competitive and it seemed unwise to reveal a weak spot - even to my teacher.
No subject has ever caused me more anxiety than higher level mathematics.
In New York State, where I grew up, high school subjects were tested statewide at the end of the year with a Regents exam, kind of a giant comprehensive final that everyone takes. You could even buy study guides specifically for each subject's exam.
I remember sitting in the gym that hot June day, rows of desks surrounding me.
And feeling completely overwhelmed.
I didn't know what I was doing. Was this the right answer? I was figuring like crazy with pencil and paper - no calculators allowed in those days.
I grew hot and could feel my face flush.
Oh my god, I was going to fail this exam!
I must have looked panicked because my teacher, one of the exam proctors, came over, put her hand on my shoulder, and whispered, "It'll be alright."
Well, somehow I managed a 90-some percent on the test, as usual, but after only one more year of mathematics I couldn't take the uncertainty, the fear of "being found out" as a fraud, of failure, any more. I didn't take any kind of math course again until statistics in college; but that's another story.

Today, when I couldn't answer Mohammed's question, I apologized and mumbled something about it being "too many decades" ago since I'd taken geometry. I politely suggested that perhaps one of the librarians could help him.

Despite this flashback to my own math hell, volunteering at the library made me happy.
Maybe the next question will be about Social Studies...