I'm still learning...

I’ve been thinking lately about terminology.

I’ve never been one to define myself by a philosophy or methodology. I don’t seem to be able to declare myself 100 per cent “anything.” Maybe I’m just wishy-washy, but I think it has as much to do with seeing the world in shades of gray, rather than black and white.

What am I blathering on about here?

Well, there are many people who seem to struggle with how to define themselves as home schoolers. They seem to agonize over whether they “fit” the definition of an eclectic home schooler, a school-at-homer, an unschooler or a radical unschooler. I’ve been known to try to fit myself into one of these categories a time or two, but it never seems quite right.

If there is any philosophy that fits me, I guess it would be to try to respect and love my children for who they are.

There is a part of me that would love to fully embrace radical unschooling, but I just don’t seem to be able to completely make that leap of faith, despite the fact that my whole family has benefited from unschooling.

I started thinking about all I’ve learned from unschooling in the past several years. The greatest gift unschooling has given me and my family is the “permission” to say “yes,” whenever there isn’t a necessary reason to say “no.” I think my parenting style had already evolved to be more easy-going before I ever encountered unschooling. But just giving myself the freedom to say “yes” opened up a whole new pantheon of joy and hopefulness. So much in our lives is dictated by social mores – by what we think we “should” and “shouldn’t” do. And often, at least for myself, I had never really questioned these arbitrary rules. “Why not?” became my first thought when my children wanted something – whether an activity, another story, to stay up late, etc. Sometimes there really was a good reason for a “no – or a not right now,” but this leads me to the next great lesson I’ve received from unschooling – the willingness to find ways to accommodate needs/desires even if not “right now.” I see this willingness to accommodate as part of respecting my children’s needs and wants and giving them equal importance to those of myself or my husband. By showing my children I believe in them and trust them to be the arbiter of their own needs and desires, I validate their worth as human beings and demonstrate the depth of my love for them

So, what’s the part I can’t quite embrace? I still struggle with the schoolwork aspect, though my youngest daughter, who has never been to school is the closest of all my children to live an unschooled life. If anyone will bring me around to radical unschooling, it will be this highly creative, verbally gifted, self-assured 11-year-old! She understands that I panic sometimes – especially about math – and has become more willing over the years to learn some things on my schedule. Though lately, rather than reassuring me, a creeping sense of discomfort invades my being when I try to “force” learning on her.

Much better are the times when she shows me her sheer delight in learning through daily living. Yesterday, she prepared an activity for a couple of unschooling friends. The three are working together on junior girl scout badges. I helped her find several different kinds of poetry and printed out the definitions. When I came back from picking up one of my other kids, Melissa presented me with four or five poems, each fitting one of the newly learned poetry categories. She wanted to do this, she did it on her own time, at her own instigation. She owned the joy she experienced from this accomplishment!

So, let’s just say, I’m coming around and I can honestly say I’ve seen the benefits of self-directed learning.