#100HAPPYDAYS - DAY 4

My daughter came home from a university trip to Cyprus and Greece to find her room totally redone.
We ordered her a new bed, found a funky old dresser/cabinet, and upgraded her lighting.
But best of all, we surprised her with freshly painted walls and trim.
It looks fantastic and she was thrilled.
When I walked past her room the contrast of these pom-pom flowers against the blue-green of her walls was stunning. Today the simple beauty of our everyday made me happy.

#100HAPPYDAYS - Day 3

Today I volunteered at the local library.
There's not a lot to the "job" - basically I supervise a special homework room from 3-5 p.m. once a week. It's a nifty room with laptop computers, a color printer, and other school supplies that some kids, especially in my oft-neglected urban neighborhood, might not have at home.

I log onto the computers, sometimes do some other simple work (stamping "withdrawn" in a cart full of books, for example), make sure kids stay quiet and on task.
Oh, and I'm also supposed to answer the occasional question.
Well, try to answer questions.

Today's inquiry involved geometry, never my strong suit and especially not 30-plus years after I took the New York State Regents exam and nearly passed out.

I can't remember my geometry teacher's name, though I think it was Miss or Mrs. Gaines, maybe? That year my schedule was such that I couldn't take the honors level math most of my peers were taking - 3D geometry, I believe. And that was probably a good thing.

The last math I truly understood was algebra, though I continued on through intermediate algebra and trigonometry, always getting A's, but not having a clue.
Do you know how scary it is to plow into mathematics, getting A's, but not understanding the why's and wherefore's of the subject? I felt as if I were continually on a precipice and the slightest whisper of a wind would knock me down.
Cause me to fail.
In geometry I discovered I was good at recognizing which formula to use in which situation to end up with the correct answer. But it always felt like I was just making up my own theorems - how could they be right when I truly didn't get the underlying rationale?
Of course, I never said anything to anyone. My high school was crazily competitive and it seemed unwise to reveal a weak spot - even to my teacher.
No subject has ever caused me more anxiety than higher level mathematics.
In New York State, where I grew up, high school subjects were tested statewide at the end of the year with a Regents exam, kind of a giant comprehensive final that everyone takes. You could even buy study guides specifically for each subject's exam.
I remember sitting in the gym that hot June day, rows of desks surrounding me.
And feeling completely overwhelmed.
I didn't know what I was doing. Was this the right answer? I was figuring like crazy with pencil and paper - no calculators allowed in those days.
I grew hot and could feel my face flush.
Oh my god, I was going to fail this exam!
I must have looked panicked because my teacher, one of the exam proctors, came over, put her hand on my shoulder, and whispered, "It'll be alright."
Well, somehow I managed a 90-some percent on the test, as usual, but after only one more year of mathematics I couldn't take the uncertainty, the fear of "being found out" as a fraud, of failure, any more. I didn't take any kind of math course again until statistics in college; but that's another story.

Today, when I couldn't answer Mohammed's question, I apologized and mumbled something about it being "too many decades" ago since I'd taken geometry. I politely suggested that perhaps one of the librarians could help him.

Despite this flashback to my own math hell, volunteering at the library made me happy.
Maybe the next question will be about Social Studies...

#100HappyDays - Day 3

Today my best friend is my pillow

Ah, nap time.
That glorious time of the afternoon when I manage to stumble up the stairs and fall like the dead into my bed.
Perhaps a more accurate description of this interlude would be "rest time," as sleep isn't really required.
My body melds with the mattress, craving surcease from the relentless strain of having to work so dang hard just to hold itself together.
Thus is one of the many realities of Ehlers Danlos Syndrome; extreme fatigue.
Fatigue has a different quality than sleepiness; it overtakes my whole being, making each step a long slog through deep, wet, mouldering mud.
Fatigue becomes my master and is not to be disobeyed.
The ridiculously warm weather of the past several days - highs near 50 in Iowa in January! - afforded a great opportunity to start walking outside again. But walking is very much harder on my body than the recumbent exercise bike, and every time I resume my outdoor treks after a hiatus, fatigue mocks my optimism, adding its own malevolent prostration to my elevated pain and flaring fibromyalgia.
The only thing I can do at times like this is rest; not necessarily sleep, just cease most activities and lie down as often as I can.
It's easy to feel kind of down when this happens. I hate the extra burden this puts on my family. I hate that I can't take my dogs to the park. Cook supper. Do much of anything.
That's the thing with EDS; you have to take the good days and make the most of them, while keeping a keen eye on saving enough of yourself back to be able to function the next day.

So, in the spirit of focusing more on the positive, today I am embracing my nap time. I love my pretty pillows and the way I become a cat-magnet whenever I lie down in bed, often accumulating 3 or 4 of our resident felines around and top of me.
Yes, today I am cranking up the electric blanket, grabbing a good book, and communing with my best friend - my pillow.

#100HAPPYDAYS - Day 2

I was just thinking about how much I love clementines.
Then I realized I don't have any memories of eating them when I was a child.
Hmm. That seems weird.
Well, apparently not.
According wikipedia, the market for clementines didn't evolve in the U.S. until 1997 when the Florida orange crop was devastated by bad weather.
Huh. You learn something new every day.

I've been on a clementine kick of sorts, eating 4, 5, or even 6 of them each day for the past week. While I love oranges, they are so much more trouble - more difficult to peel, to section, etc.
Plus until I get another cortisone injection in my bum thumb, holding the orange tightly enough in my left hand really hurts the joint.
Today I peeled a 4 clementines for a snack, stacking them in a little bowl.
They looked so pretty and seeing them sitting there in all their sweet, juicy goodness made me happy.

#100HAPPYDAYS - Day 1

So I've decided to participate in 100happydays.com, partly to live more mindfully on a daily basis and partly to get myself to start using my camera again and to blog.
The past couple of years have been quite difficult at times, hence the radio silence here.
But now I'm ready.
Ready to embrace life to it's fullest.
To recognize the "happy" in my life and document it.
My youngest daughter and I "arted" together.
Actually, she created art and I colored in a coloring book.
I did use fancy pants colored pencils, however.
And doing this simple activity really did make me happy.

Untitled

I am from nachos and poorly told jokes
From home-cooked meals and a comforting embrace
I am from daffodils beside the drive
Mud pies, pocketknives, imagination.
I am from wagging tails and
Sharpened claws, a comforting purr.
I am from magic, from dreams
I am from darkness and undeserved pain.
I am from an old creek bed and forest beyond
From butterfly kisses and melting chocolate

My daughter Sarah shared this poem she wrote for class... and made me cry.

Restful

This is how I spent my Labor Day weekend.
Literally.
Last week about did me in; the combination of interrupted sleep (due to baby doll pictured above), a massive migraine, and no husband to help rendered me useless.
Absolutely.
Thankfully I have the most wonderful husband in the world. He arrived home from a week of travel and took over all puppy care. He cooked, he cleaned, he folded laundry.
The man is amazing.
And all the while I napped, read, and crocheted.
And that's all.
I wish I felt ready for the week to start, but I know I'm in a much better position than if my husband had spent the weekend on his duff!