Just a flesh wound

Every time I swallow it feels as if I have one of these stuck in my throat.

I had the delightful experience this morning of hearing a doctor use the words "pus" and "goiter" in the same sentence.
And yes, she was referring to me.
While I definitely had one, the other is, thankfully, unlikely.
Last night I noticed my right knuckle was sore. It was hard to see for sure, but it looked as if I had a splinter. In my knuckle.
Now, you'd think someone would notice a splinter going into a knuckle, but I had no recollection of a sudden pain. The only contact with wood I remember having was putting logs in the fireplace and for that I always wear fireplace gloves.
Nonetheless, in the dim light of our CFL bulbs, it looked like a splinter.
I jokingly said to my girls, "Watch. In the morning I'll wake up and it will be swollen and full of pus!"
Ha ha.
I should know better.
This morning it was indeed swollen, red, tender, and undoubtedly infected.
I decided to head to a walk-in clinic rather than try to make an appointment - I had to be done in time to pick my daughter up from school at 10:44 and my husband was returning from two weeks in Chile around 9:30.
Somehow I managed to slip a glove on over my swollen and extremely tender finger. I had to drive with with my finger extended - did I mention it's my middle finger?
My apologies to anyone who saw me and was insulted.
The doctor took one look at my finger and launched into an explanation of MRSA a dangerous, drug-resistant from of staph. Apparently, my finger looks like a classic case. She took a sample of the infection (ow) and we'll have the results in two days.
Her method was not unlike how my Uncle Clarence lanced a pus-filled cyst on a cow. Yeah. That's a whole lot of gross.
Fortunately, my knuckle spurted much less.
Meanwhile, I am allergic to the best medication for staph (figures) so instead I'm taking cephalexin.
And my finger really hurts.
While I was there, I decided to try for a two-fer and mentioned the lump-like sensation I've had in my throat for the past several weeks. She took a quick look and all seemed fine. Though I've never had a doctor ask me to look down while she checked my throat - she was so short that as I sat on the exam table her head didn't even reach my shoulder.Then she asked if I'd ever had a goiter.
I burst out laughing, blurting "pus and goiter - just my luck."
I may have scared her a little.
No, I've never had a goiter, but I do have hypothyroidism.  Apparently, the lump sensation is right where the thyroid sits, and though my thyroid seemed fine, she suggested I have it checked out by my regular physician since "sometimes goiters grow in" creating pressure.
Joy.
Of course, I came right home and googled "lump in throat sensation."
This seems to be fairly common and is called "globus pharygis."
It's also been called "globus hystericus," as many people have no actual physical cause, rather the sensation is caused by anxiety.
Yeah.
Whoopee.
This just goes to prove that if it's weird, I'll get it.
I can honestly testify that my anxiety is quite well under control these days, so it's likely due to some simple inflammation. I have an appointment with my doctor in a week.
In the interim, I'm trying to ignore how much pain a stupid knuckle can cause and hoping it's not MRSA.
Oh, and did you know it's next to impossible to unscrew the lid from a two-liter bottle of pop when you can't bend your knuckle?
Try it.
Then you'll have to call for help, too.