Passages

I can feel the emotion roiling just below the surface. With each passing day, the clock seems to tick a little bit faster.
Soon, sooner than either of us would like, and yet at just the perfect time, my youngest child, my baby, will be heading off to college.
Today I teared up in the book aisle of Target. Actually, it started when I saw the children’s videos, then moved on into the preschool books, then early readers. It was like an emotional walk down memory lane. How could 18 years have passed so quickly?

I remember her birth like it was yesterday (except for the pain - that always fades a la continuation of the species). My beautiful baby girl who needed to be held all the time. I remember a particular photo I took of me holding her and looking at ourselves in the mirror. I thought, at the time, remember this moment. And I did. And I always will.
How to condense a mother’s love for her child into words? It’s nearly impossible. I have spent more one-on-one time with Melissa than with any of my other children - she has been my near-constant companion, critic, ally, and friend for 18 years.
Yesterday in the fabric store she laughed at a thought I had expressed. What’s so funny? I asked. We are the same person, she said with a smile.
The twining of sadness with excitement, the longing for just one more day colliding with anticipation for her future and my own, the knowledge that our relationship will never be the same swirling with eagerness for what is to come as our relationship evolves as adult child and mother - all this has been burbling beneath the surface for months now.

She is so ready for this chapter of her life to begin! She has grown into a beautiful young woman, filled with poise and brimming with intelligence. I know I don’t need to worry about her off on her own as she embodies level-headedness and maturity.

 I have carefully filled my fall schedule to minimize that sure-to-materialize empty-nest syndrome, though I know no matter how many activities or classes I take I will still miss her.
Terribly.
A chapter of my life closes as a new one begins for her.
All is as it should be.
I will cry when we say goodbye.
I know I will miss her terribly.
Then we will both get on with the business of living.
We’ll just be doing it a little farther apart.