Mind of steel

Mom! Mom! Mom! Hey, Mom!

So I'm steeling myself for another week-long business trip.
No, I don't get to go anywhere; as usual my job is to stay home and man the fort.
It's hard to believe I've been doing this for nearly 25 years now. It's been almost 20 years since we moved here to Iowa and my husband took this high-travel job.
In most ways it isn't nearly as difficult as it used to be - 6 cats and 3 dogs do not equal four children under 9. I look back on all those years of mothering and the many weeks of going it alone and I wonder how I managed.
It's like I've always said: you do what you have to do.
One lesson it took me far too many years to learn is to recognize that my life at any given time is largely the result of choices I've made. There were many, many times, when I was dealing with toddlers and diapers, school-age kids and multiple pets, that I felt as if I had no choice. I was viewing my life as a series of obligations that I struggled against every waking minute.
Needless to say, living my life this way did not lead to happiness. In fact, it made me resent my husband and his traveling, lose patience with my children, and fail to see the wonder of each and every day.
At some point many years ago I realized I was looking at my life all wrong. It was my husband's job that allowed me to stay home with my children - a choice I had been a full partner in making. I loved my children and wanted to be with them, so why was I wasting my time with them feeling angry and resentful? I truly was right where I had wanted to be.
Now, saying this does not negate the fact that my choices often lead to difficult circumstances. The new perspective didn't erase the fatigue, do the laundry, or feed the kids. The dog still needed to be walked, the cats still had hairballs on the rug, and I still didn't have enough time to myself.
But simply deciding to embrace my life instead of fighting my circumstances made all the difference in the world.

How could you not fall in love with this face?

I could look at the messy house and delight in the creativity of my children as they played. I could welcome the 2 a.m. feeding (mostly) and relish the feeling of holding my baby in my arms. I could laugh with and enjoy my children and my life in a way that the lens of resentment never allowed.
It's been a long time since I've had children to bathe or bottles to fix, but this life lesson still holds me in good stead.
And while I certainly never chose fibromyalgia nor Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, a certain amount of acceptance goes a long way there, too. I'm often in pain and usually exhausted. But when I struggle against these realities my life is much more difficult than when I accommodate them. I can't "do" like I used to; I need to take naps, I can't carry heavy laundry baskets up and down the multiple sets of stairs in our old house. Sometimes these deficits overwhelm me with sadness and dismay. But simply adjusting my expectations can make a huge difference.
I may not be able to vacuum this week, but I can crochet an afghan. I can't mow the lawn, but I can enjoy the flowers. I may not be able to cook every night, but we can enjoy ordering out.
This week without my husband at home will be difficult, no doubt. But we have the pets - including the new puppy - we have because, in large part, I wanted them. They have enriched my life and the lives of my children immeasurably. So instead of fighting against what my choices have given me, I will again embrace them. I'll snuggle my puppy, run my girls to doctor's appointments and school, and probably not be able to manage cooking as healthily as I'd like.

I may look like this by the end of the week, but I plan to embrace my life and enjoy every day!

I'll grab naps as I can get them, let the messes go, and view my life through a lens of contentment.
I'm sure I'll be exhausted, but I'll be much happier if I don't fight my circumstances.
And there really isn't anything much sweeter than basset puppy kisses!