Stuff of Nightmares

Well, just about the worst thing that could happen to me, did.
Now, I know that if this truly is the worst thing that could happen to me, then I have no right to complain.
But I'm going to anyway.
Since we moved to this house nearly 6 years ago, I have had many trying wildlife related experiences. First, there was the raccoon that got locked in our van.
In the heat.
With the windows closed.
Someone apparently forgot to close the van door and the raccoon, attracted by various crumbs and other food-related trash in said vehicle, decided to climb in for a closer look. Later that evening the open door was discovered and promptly shut and remained closed for more than 24 hours.
It was August in Iowa with a heat index pushing 100 degrees.
Somehow that raccoon managed to survive but the van didn't fair quite so well.
In his desperate bid to escape, the coon managed to cause more than $600 of damage to the inside of the van.
On a lighter note, the car repairmen I called got a good chuckle out of the story.
Then there were the bats.
Yes, we had bats in our attic.
Not an uncommon occurrence for old houses, I'm sure.
But our major renovations left one whole side of our house open just enough for bats to sneak in.
And sneak in they did.
At least 1/2 dozen bats found their way in through the work area, gaps in screens, etc.
I respect bats and actually think some are rather cute, but I don't want them in my house.
Estimates to bat-proof our attic ran close to $2000, so we decided to cope.
Actually, my husband decided we could cope. I think I cried.
It wasn't until the next summer when my oldest son, who sleeps in the renovated attic, came down for breakfast with a bat clinging to his sock that we knew we had to do something.
So while my son got rabies shots, the bats were relocated (humanely) and our house is now supposedly bat-proof, though the company gave no guarantees.
On quiet nights we can here bats clicking as they fly through our yard on their nightly hunts.
Add to these wildlife episodes a mouse invasion, house centipedes in the basement, cicada-killer wasps in the yard, a sick raccoon stumbling through the flower beds, and squirrels chewing on our wooden porch posts and you'll see that I've had a lot to deal with.
As someone whose recurring childhood nightmare involved awakening with my bed surrounded by worms and insects, I think you'll see why what happened next took to me the brink.
I wrote a couple weeks ago about the garter snake hatchery along the foundation of the house. I also expounded upon my unfounded yet oh-so-real fear of snakes.
I was okay with allowing the snakes to remain in my yard, glad they have a safe place to grow and breed.
Until last weekend.
A nightmare come true.

My daughters were up late and as Melissa took the garbage out she encountered my worst fear, the phantom of my dreams, a flesh-and-blood snake coiled on the landing to the basement.
It's taken me 5 days to be able to even write about this. I haven't even looked at the photos yet.
Yes, my little girl who screams at the sight of a house centipede and my other little girl who just last week encountered a spider so big she had to call her dad down to squish it, took photographs of the snake IN THE HOUSE.
And thank goodness they're the ones who found it and not me.
Yes, I'm glad my daughters had the snake encounter as for some reason neither one is afraid of snakes. At all.
Mutants.
Apparently, and I only know this second-hand from reading the girls did, snakes don't just nest in under the cracked foundations of houses but often LIVE IN THE WALLS.
Which is where this one escaped - into a hole that led under the trim around the door.

I didn't handle the news well when they told me the next morning. In fact, I haven't ventured down the basement stairs or out the back door without someone making sure it's snake-free since then. The other day no one else was home and I needed something from the basement. So I made my kitten go first - yes, that's right, my little 8-month-old kitten was my snake protector.
I'm am so completely freaked out by this I can't even begin to describe the depths of my horror and revulsion. My daughter was afraid to tell me for fear I would call someone to exterminate them.
But I'm not that kind of a gal.
I don't want the snakes dead. I just want them out of my house!
I've been waiting since then for my husband to implement his snake removal and snake-proofing plan. I don't think he really understands how difficult this is for me since it's been 5 DAYS since the sighting and he hasn't yet "gathered his supplies."
If we weren't on such a tight budget, I would have called a critter catcher by now. I think I can make it a few more days until the weekend, but if the situation isn't resolved by then, I'll be forced to take action.
I'll make that call to a professional snake wrangler and let my husband fill in the cracks.
I'm not sure how long it will take me to recover from this one.
I've finally stopped periodically rocking back and forth and crying and I've been keeping the nightmares at bay.
Who needs to dream of snakes when you've got a whole nest of them in your house?
P.S. When I stop hyperventilating I'll add some photos to this post.