Proud

'Tis the season of graduations and new beginnings.
Friends and acquaintances share news of awards, internships, and scholarship choices.
And I am happy for them and for their children.
But while I am glad to share in others' joyful moments, I always bear a small burden of sorrow for my own children.
Sometimes it seems as if everyone else's children are carefree, while mine have never had a carefree moment.
Sometimes my heart is so swollen with sorrow over the pain my children have had to endure that it's all I can do not to crumble from the pain.
And yet, I know everyone has his own cross to bear.
This past year has tested my children like no other, and yet they have made it through the darkness ready and willing to care for and give to others.
My oldest son is 24 now, the same age I was when he was born.
He has truly been a gift to my husband and myself.
He's the child who made me a mother and showed me how deeply one can love another.
In his life so far, my son has interned in Egypt, spent a semester in South Africa, earned a full scholarship to Drake University, won the Crystal Award from The World Food Prize, interned at Pioneer Hi-Bred International, has two scientific papers accepted for publication from his undergraduate degree, and was instrumental in forming the Oxfam Iowa Action Corps.
My son's whole life is dedicated to improving the lives of others, yet throughout it all he has struggled with a nearly insurmountable burden of mental illness.
This year has been especially difficult for him, yet he has persevered as a student, a volunteer, a friend, a son, and a brother.
He finishes up his next to last semester of grad school this week and will soon leave for a four-week research trip to Uganda.
My second son, who has been a delight from the day he was born, will graduate with a degree in psychology this week. He showed me that love grows exponentially. He has struggled his whole life with almost incapacitating anxiety, and yet has somehow been able to soldier through it all. He amazes me with his fortitude and his desire to help others. He achieved his black belt in Tae Kwon Do at 13, worked summers and every weekend his last two years of high school, and in college gained an internship at a residential treatment facility for children and adolescents with behavioral and mental health issues. He continued to work there summers and every weekend during his last two years of college. He so impressed his supervisor that he was offered a full-time position upon graduation.
I can't begin to explain the difficulties these two young men whom I proudly call my sons have gone through. I have suffered from anxiety and depression my whole life and know how great is the temptation to give up and hide from the world. They have never given in to this impulse and have both decided to dedicate their professional lives to helping others.
While I wish my sons' lives had been more carefree and I would take away the burden of mental illness they must carry, I would not change who they are. My sons are warm, caring, funny, intelligent, giving young men.
They are a gift not only to myself and my family, but to the world.