Slitherin'

Orphidiophobia
That's what I've got.
An abnormal fear of snakes.
There is some controversy over whether fear of snakes is an innate response for survival or whether it's caused by a frightening experience in one's youth. Some studies even suggest fear of snakes develops, at least in part, due to exposure to negative information about snakes.
Of all the phobias to which I play hostess, I would have to say my snake phobia is among the top three or four.
It may even be number one.
I've never had a bad experience with a snake, nor do I remember being exposed to scary stories or information about snakes.
No, my fear of snakes is most definitely visceral.

So, you'll never guess who has moved into my neighborhood.
Okay, maybe you will.
Yes, I have the auspicious privilege of hosting a nesting colony of garter snakes in my very own backyard.
Whoopee.


Yes, a nest of vipers - okay, garter snakes - lives in the broken masonry under my back porch.
I wish they had chosen a different yard, but since this is their second year in this location, I think word is spreading that this is the place to be.
You see, we don't spray or fertilize our lawn, our dogs don't pay any attention to the snakes, our yard is fenced, and we don't really mind that they're here.
In theory anyway.

I'm glad they have a safe place to live and breed.

Really, I am.
Who knows how bad our mouse problem might be without their presence. I believe they also eat insects and other pests.
That's all good.
I just wish I could walk through the yard without fear.
Now, I don't mind seeing snakes in the zoo, reading about snakes or seeing pictures of snakes. I don't have any problem with my children handling snakes - gosh, one time I even let them pose with a giant anaconda draped across their shoulders at the Iowa State Fair.
I was fine as long as I could keep my distance.

I've never touched a snake.
Never plan to.
But my fear hasn't clouded my judgment about their importance to the ecosystem.
I appreciate what marvelous creatures they are and am truly saddened to read of rattlesnake roundups or to see smooshed snakes in the street.
And there have been a lot of dead garter snakes along our neighborhood walking route this spring.

I know an amazing amount about snakes for someone so phobic. Snakes were one of my older son's favorite topics for a couple of years. Back before we had the Internet, my husband and I even spent one "date" night at the bookstore trying to find out exactly how rattlesnake venom killed its victims for him.

Today at the dog park a good-sized garter snake slithered across the path in front of me. By the time I finished uttering a strangled gasp of fear and my feet touched ground again, it was in the grass on the other side. My daughters and son laughed at me and I laughed at myself.
Once I caught my breath and my heart stopped pounding.
So much for exposure therapy.

That's the thing about phobias - they aren't rational.
I know garter snakes - and most snakes I will ever encounter in the wilds of my backyard - are harmless. I know they have no desire to interact with me at all.
I know they won't hurt me.
And I'm not even really afraid that they will.
They just creep me out.
Completely.

There's really nothing I can do about my fear of snakes, though I guess I could thank some prehistoric ancestor for passing it on. Who knows, maybe I'm here today because some cave woman was overly cautious when walking through the Savannah.

I'll be glad when this current crop of hatchlings grows up and moves away.
In the meantime, I'll proceed with caution in my backyard.
Guess who won't be weeding the flower beds anytime soon?