This has been one of those weeks.
I don't handle stress well, and my stress load went stratospheric this week.
Zachary has been dealing with GERD for a couple of years now, and has undergone numerous tests this summer trying to pinpoint the cause. His gastroenterologist believes it likely that he suffers from a slow digestive tract (gastroparesis), but he doesn't fit the typical profile (i.e. he's not overweight, doesn't smoke, doesn't drink alcohol, isn't diabetic, is only 19). This makes diagnosis and treatment more difficult.
We're not talking about the occasional heartburn here, either. He suffers from reflux throughout the day, every day. He's made modifications to his diet, tries to eat multiple smaller meals, raised the head of his bed, and takes Prilosec, which, by the way, has made no difference to his symptoms.
He decided, and we agreed, that a course of Reglan (recommended by the doctor), might only provide temporary relief and is not worth the high risk of nasty side-effects. So his local doctor is arranging a battery of tests at the Iowa City medical center. Apparently, a top specialist in digestive disorders is there. We're trying to find a cause that hopefully can be "fixed," though that may not happen. It might take 3 to 6 months before he can get in for the day-long testing - "nose to bottom," as the doctor described it.
The succession of tests he's undergone, his continuing discomfort, the worry over drugs and side-effects, have all taken their toll on me, I'm afraid.
Stressor number 2?
For the last 6 weeks or so Sarah has been suffering from almost constant, nearly debilitating headaches and insomnia. I took her to the doctor last week, after trying everything we could think of here at home, including over-the-counter meds, relaxation, drinking more water, adjusting the dosage of her SSRI, all to no avail.
She starts out the day ranking her pain at a 3, and by the evening she's nearly non-functional with a pain rating nearing 8 or 9. She had blood work done this week, along with an MRI. We don't have the results of the blood work yet, but her MRI was fine, thank goodness.
But that means there's no hope of getting her an earlier appointment with the neurologist - we're looking at about 6 weeks from now. Her symptoms don't fit the typical migraine pattern, so the doctors are reluctant to prescribe migraine medications, which I completely understand and agree with.
She's now taking a course of Prednisone, to be followed next week by a two-week course of Augmentin, in case there is a deep sinus infection. She's taking 600 mg. of Ibuprofen several 'times a day, per the doctor's orders, but still hasn't felt any relief.
I can't stand seeing her in such pain and it's such a helpless feeling for a mom not to be able to make it better. I'm trying to keep her as active as possible, but it's difficult to force her into activity when she feels so awful. As a veteran of some pretty horrible headaches myself, I can only imagine how worn down she is from this whole experience.
Meanwhile, I've been managing to keep up with cooking healthy meals and routine dog, cat, and housework, but I've been experiencing significant fatigue.
I know it's not my thyroid, as that's properly regulated.
A hefty helping of it is my poor handling of stress, I'm sure.
I've never received an official diagnosis of fibromyalgia, though about 20 years ago a doctor told me that's what I likely have.
So I'm struggling with sore muscles and a level of fatigue that makes me want to hit the sack about the time I finish my second cup of coffee in the morning.
Not good.
Not good at all.
Thankfully, Michael pitched in - ha, what am I saying? He took over! - and did a bunch of house cleaning. Zachary and Stephen have helped, too, joining in when they aren't at work. Melissa does what she can, as does Sarah, poor thing.
Me?
I'm still making meals, resting when I can, and generally feeling about as useful as a sack of potatoes.
Make than an empty sack.
But it's time to start that "positive self-talk" I've come to know so well.
I am not lazy.
It's okay to rest.
It's alright that the kids and Michael have to do so much.
I am not lazy.
I'll need to keep working on that part...
6 comments:
I'll say it along with you: "Its okay to rest. You are *not* lazy." Repeat.
I'm so sorry to hear about all the stress and the family ailing like this. I have digestive issues too (Crohns, constant feelings like reflux, etc) and I know how painful it can be - when that happens, nothing else seems right. I am sending good thoughts for Zachary, and for Sarah too. Not knowing what it is can be the hardest part. Reading about how you are "keeping on" is amazing. You are one strong woman. I hope you all get some answers soon.
What a doozy of a week for you guys. Hoping you can find answers and/or relief for Zachary's reflux, and Sarah's headaches and insomnia -- it's so hugely stressful when our kiddos are in pain and we can't fix it. Keep on with the positive self-talk and rest :).
Thank you both, so very much. I'm feeling better today - emotionally and physically.
It helps to know there are others out there sending us good wishes!
It's hard to give myself permission to freak out a bit, take the rest I need, etc.
Glad today is better :).
It's really taken me much effort to get to a point where I will accept DH's help when I am feeling maxed out . . . and I still am not successful in doing it every time he offers. It's hard to not feel like we have to be able to do everything all the time! But we can't; we're only human :). I try to be as gentle with myself as I am with my kiddo.
Sorry to read about all the stress and medical issues. That is a lot to have happening at once. I hope the docs can figure out some answers and get everybody feeling better soon. Hang in there!
Karen, I've been thinking about Zachary's reflux since this post, and wanted to suggest you check into the MedSlant pillow (it's at medslant dot com). I've been using one for two (three?) years now and I've found it to be a worthwhile addition to my reflux arsenal. It took me about a week to get used to sleeping on it (I use my regular pillow with it, but that's strictly a personal preference), but now I don't like sleeping without it.
In addition to elevating my torso at a gentle slant, I find that it prevents me from sleeping on my stomach (stomach-sleeping = reflux-inflammed throat by a.m.).
An unexpected positive side effect of the pillow has been that, by not having my body flat on the bed, my sinus/allergy congestion has decreased dramatically.
The pillow is $80, and I had a friend's husband (who has severe reflux) balk at the price and refuse to buy the pillow, but, for me it's been $80 very well spent.
I know you mentioned Zachary has modified his diet, but I thought I would pass along that my experience is when my GERD is flaring up, I have to keep my diet *extremely* under control. A couple bites of something offending or a couple sips of iced tea or root beer can get the reflux going. Also, any kind of medications, prescription or OTC (including advil/motrin/allergy/sinus meds), usually causes it to flare up.
I do take Prilosec OTC daily, as a less expensive alternative than prescription meds (a recommendation by my gastro doc, because we don't have health or rx ins.). I took it daily for about a year and a half, and then quit taking it and kept my reflux under control for over a year just by modifying my diet and using the medslant pillow. Unfortunately, this spring it flared up with a vengeance (diet-related) and I opted to start Prilosec OTC daily again. When I feel like I can keep the GERD under control with diet well enough again, I'll quit the Prilosec.
It's been a real trial and error process for quite a number of years for me, and it's still an ongoing trial and error process! I know how much of an impact it has on a person when the GERD flares up so intensely . . . physically, it just does such a whammy to your body, and that, in turn, is mentally exhausting.
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